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Author

A bike racer, adventurer, excitement seeker, pantheist but mostly curious person just doing the best she can, knowing that because of determinism it's all you can ever do.

What words destroy you?

3/1/2022

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Picture
Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash
I love you. I loathe you. I am disgusted by you. I adore you. We can do this. We don’t have a hope. It’s all over. Don’t give up.

Read those words again. Can you feel a tiny bit of emotion with every one? Like a long shadow cast by a feeling, just a sample of how it would feel to have those words whispered into our ears. From a close friend, from an enemy, from a stranger. You can feel their impact even without them being said to you. Because they are just as powerful if said by you to yourself.

All these are just letters, rearranged in different orders and yet, just like a tune, in certain orders they can make us recoil, make our hair stand on end or make us the happiest, most motivated person on the planet. And yet they are just letters, rearranged so that in our understanding they actually convey so much more. They link us to the past, the present and the future. I’ve often thought that without words and language we never could have created a story about the future, or made up a reason for the past being as it was. So before language, were we all much happier? I suspect we were, just like a dog doesn’t dwell on the past and lives in the moment. The animal doesn’t have the choice to have regrets or despair over lost opportunities, it just lives for today.

Of course, language has a purpose for without it we could not communicate our dreams or our goals, we could not describe a future and share in its unfolding. We could not plan and we could not learn any more than basic cause and effect outcomes. But like any tool it can be used for good or bad and, like any power tool, you really ought to be careful how you use it. At the very least, notice that the thing is on, red hot and working! But, the simple truth is, it’s always on and working inside our heads. So much so, we forget it’s there and that’s when we ought to be most wary. For when words run amok in our skull and create scenarios they can be positive or negative, right or wrong. Often they get stuck and on a single setting, such as ‘fear’. That then generates more words and more ‘what if’ scenario painting and sometimes the picture bears no resemblance to reality and yet by then we’re in the middle of a physiological response and all manner of hormones are circling in our bodies lending us to believe that there really is a huge danger and we ought to be running somewhere or raising our fists.

Meditation or mindfulness is one way to notch the tool down a setting. And you don’t have to sit in a room quietly, you can be mindful in an occupation like riding your motorbike or cycle, or while reading. Anything that requires focussed attention so that your misbehaving, random mind words don’t choose their own path in your head and come up with dragons or zombies or other people’s motives for whatever just happened. But by far I’ve found the best way to deal with your own instant word generator is to realise it’s there. Realise it doesn’t always tell you the facts or give you the whole picture. Confirmation bias or negativity bias subjects us to a corralling of our thoughts. Like barriers up at a bowling alley that thought is destined for one place only - the end of the lane. But simply knowing this, opens up a doorway and at least gives us a chance to step outside and look back at ourselves, if only for a minute at first, and see we were ignoring other facts or not putting ourselves in other people’s shoes.
 The words in your head define your moment right now
Can cause a tear or a smile
Can motivate you or silence you
Can make you sick or well
Can change others
Can be a beginning or an end
​
The words you speak to yourself make you who you are.
​

And yes, you can choose them. 
HAPPY NEW YEAR! And may 2022 be full of good choices by you.

Author

Existentialism is about choosing life, above all knowing you have a choice over your destiny. Not allowing others to direct you, but finding your own path. I realised this later in life, but that’s okay. It doesn’t matter when you get there, because a day or a year or ten years as your authentic self is better than nothing.

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Where you look is truly where you go

27/9/2021

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​The only true freedom any of us have is in our thoughts
PictureEvery journey starts with a thought. Photo: Christopher Sardegna
​I've often mentioned in my talks and in my blogs how everything can change in a single moment. A lapse in concentration, a telephone call with bad news, a job offer, a baby is born. All life events that many are familiar with and, in the main, affecting quite a localised set of people in your circle.
 
And then there's this. A pandemic. This is what's commonly referred to as a Black Swan event, a total game changer that comes completely out of the blue. It's a course correction for humanity and with it brings massive change for everyone. But the human race has been here before.
​
As far back as you can look, disease outbreaks have ravaged homo sapiens, sometimes changing the course of history and, at times, signalling the end of entire civilizations. But they eventually ran their course and disappeared and so will this. All things pass, change is the only reliable constant. Of course the context is different each time. Never before have the mechanisms existed whereby we can mobilise billions of people to change the way they behave during a pandemic. Whether or not our actions helped or hindered the virus’ eventual extinction will be a matter for huge future debate.
 
The current situation has meant that we are being forced to adapt to a new environment quickly. But we are creatures of adaptation, if our environment changes so do we, it's part of what makes our species so successful. Some change is being imposed upon us, directed and regulated by government through legislation. It's the quickest and bluntest tool to alter societal habits - just asking people nicely to be sensible wouldn't incur the wholesale behaviour changes we're seeing. Some will argue this is an imposition on our freedoms. Some want more limitations imposed, there will always be more than one side to an argument. Other changes though are within our own purview, we can choose to stay in or go out. To meet people, to exercise, to hug, to use public services or to go get on our bikes and travel.
 
As touring motorcyclists with a passion for cross border travel many of us had to scrap our plans for last season and some for this too, although things are now coming back on line as I write. The company I tour guide for, Magellan Motorcycle Tours, had to take the bold decision last year to pretty much write the year off, although of course it was possible to self-guide. It's tough when the situation is so fluid and subject to various governmental and regional rules across multiple countries that could change on a daily basis. And of course all the businesses you rely on, the hotels and the cafe's and restaurants have their own battles they're fighting too. Yes, one thing is for sure, the landscape as we knew it has changed and perhaps for much longer than we ever could have imagined.
 
But wait a moment. What's really the issue here? Travel has always had an element of risk attached to it, there's the obvious risk of our chosen mode of transport, dodgy food, the weather, road accidents, unscrupulous people and the like. So it must boil down to what is an acceptable level of risk for you, and that is purely personal choice. While there are some things we still cannot do at the time of writing, there are a whole mountain more we can. We can adapt to our new environment, we can put in more back ups, make sure we follow safe practices, we can alter the original destinations, implement work-arounds. It's what our species does - we're born problem solvers.
 
The only true freedom any of us have is the freedom to choose our reaction to events. Covid-19 hasn't changed that one truism. The virus is a game changer, for sure, but we can choose whether it's game over or not. We can choose the extent of the impact to our lives. Often the most incredible things happen to us when we relax the reins a little and improvise. Take that passport out and give it a long hard look. Then spray it with some anti-bac and put it in your pocket. Whatever you decide, know that you can decide and that this day, like every day, you do have a choice. Sometimes you just need to throw in a dash of creativity and flexibility to get where you’re going. But, you know, you are free to do that :-).

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Where did you get your perspective?

23/6/2020

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PicturePhoto by Nadine Shaabana. I loved the perspective of the ball and inverted image of the landscape.
Perspectives have power. How you see the world will shape your opinion and galvanise you into action or subdue you into apathy. How you see the world will depend on your family, friends, your culture, your diet, your upbringing, your biology and especially what period in history you were born into. Two people can have entirely different perspectives and die for their beliefs. But which, if either, is right? And can they be wrong at the time but right when viewed from a new angle during another decade? Yes, of course they can. For a while anyway.

At the moment we have a few large shocks rippling through our planet. The Covid-19 pandemic can be seen by some as a global cleansing. By others, a divine retribution, by yet others as the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race. To some we need to do more, to some much less. It's just humans being human. Having and sharing their individual perspectives on the world. We're just being us.

In general, when we have formed a strong opinion we stick with it, no matter what. We are subject to 'confirmation bias' - we look for others who agree with us and for facts that fit our views. Being brave enough to look at something from another viewpoint and to weight a counter argument on its merits is quite rare. That's because we often become identified with our opinions and changing them would mean admitting we were wrong or distancing ourselves from people we care about or the group we find affinity with. Ultimately we risk undermining our sense of self. But it is possible to change your opinion, if you cultivate an open mind and challenge yourself and your thoughts. 


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The Existentialist: Stanley Kubrick talks

2/2/2020

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PictureStanley Kubrick, while filming 2001: A space oddity
It's odd to think that pearls of wisdom can be found next to pornography. But yes, it can happen. Admittedly it is less likely to happen now that the internet has become the go-to place for stills and videos of people getting together but when magazines used to be king for thrills they sometimes had more than just ladies to interest the men, they had thoughtful pieces too.

​Playboy magazine, 1968 contains an extract from a very interesting interview with Stanley Kubrick, the director. I really liked his perspective, he's clearly an existentialist and talks lucidly about how it is each of us that creates our own meaning through the choices we make. 

Playboy: “If life is so purposeless, do you feel it’s worth living?”

Kubrick: “Yes, for those who manage somehow to cope with our mortality. The very meaninglessness of life forces a man to create his own meaning. Children, of course, begin life with an untarnished sense of wonder, a capacity to experience total joy at something as simple as the greenness of a leaf; but as they grow older, the awareness of death and decay begins to impinge on their consciousness and subtly erode their joie de vivre (a keen enjoyment of living), their idealism - and their assumption of immortality.

​The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent;
As a child matures, he sees death and pain everywhere about him, and begins to lose faith in the ultimate goodness of man. But if he’s reasonably strong - and lucky - he can emerge from this twilight of the soul into a rebirth of life’s élan (enthusiastic and assured vigour and liveliness).

Both because of and in spite of his awareness of the meaninglessness of life, he can forge a fresh sense of purpose and affirmation. He may not recapture the same pure sense of wonder he was born with, but he can shape something far more enduring and sustaining.
​
The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death - however mutable man may be able to make them - our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfilment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.”

The full article is quite staggering, considering when it was written. It's definitely worth checking out, if nothing else to ponder the scale of what we don't know and to realise that what we do know is so infinitesimally small that to draw conclusions is futile. It's best just to wonder and smile and admire the vastness of possibilities and be glad that, in universal terms, everything is as it should be.

​Full article can be found here. 
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Bonneville - Who drives your dreams? - Part 4

4/11/2019

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The final part of the story behind how I got to ride on the Salt Flats during Speed Week 2019. Part 3 can be found here
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PictureWhere do we go from here? Just a few hours left and we had so much to get done...
Tired and emotional
We needed to move fast now, really fast. The Hayabusa had failed tech inspection because the tire valve stems had to be metal, not rubber. But the good news was, that was the only failure. So, we hastily rolled the bike back onto the trailer and quickly researched local tire and motorbike workshops. Although Wendover the town just off the speedway was not right next door, it wasn't a long drive away so 30 minutes later and we had managed to find what we needed. Next stop the tire fitting shop.

​We pulled up to S&R Auto on Wendover Boulevard to find a hive of activity in the oily workshop. Eventually we tracked down the frazzled owner who scratched his head with a greasy finger and said it'd be a couple of hours before they could sort it. There must have been a horrified look on our faces because he quickly followed up apologetically telling us the reason - tbe fire chief's truck was being seen to and it was an emergency and nothing, just nothing and no-one, could jump the queue. ​


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Bonneville - Who drives your dreams? Part 3

24/10/2019

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The continuation of the story behind how I got to ride on the Salt Flats during Speed Week. Part 2 can be found here
Christine's run - 13th August 2019
​The Bonneville course starters are super-cool professionals and have the whole process of seeing you off on your run down to a fine art. They check you over, confirm what speed you and the bike are cleared to ride at and make sure you're comfortable with knowing how to signal if you have an emergency. Then a short wait till you hear that the previous rider or driver has cleared the track and then boom. Just like that you're signalled to go. No wave of flag just a smile and off you go, in your own time. It seems somewhat of an anti-climax, your moment to shine should be signalled by fireworks surely? But actually it's quite relaxing not having to wait for the sound of a cannon or gun. You have a good run up before the track to get comfortable on the bike, putting yourself prone as low as you can go in the case of a bike and build up speed slowly. Not always easy when you are wearing new, tight leathers though.
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One of the starters getting us in line.
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Total focus. Total concentration as Dino prepares to run.

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Bonneville - Who Drives Your Dreams? - Part 2

11/10/2019

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The continuation of the story behind how I got to ride on the Salt Flats during Speed Week. Part 1 can be found here
Thursday, 8th August -
​first time on salt

This morning we all woke energised, early and ready to drive the 8 miles to the salt flats down the long straight piece of highway that abruptly stops to denote the beginning of the speedway. This is where the famous Bonneville sign is which has been half stickered to death so you can't actually read all the historical information on it. Nevertheless we also stuck ours up and there was copious photographing and posing before we drove the mile or so on the salts to the pits to set up.

​This was the first time we had been driving on top of the salt and the backdrop of the mountains was just jaw-dropping. It looked like the scenery to a movie, eerie other-worldly colours everywhere, with mountains casting shadows of light amber to dark and putty grey on the crystaline surface of the speedway. There were ominous low clouds too, which added an extra strange feeling to the exposed supernatural place.

​The flats cover 30000 acres so the whiteness all around burns into your eyes. You can get snow blindness it's so bright. It burns the skin in record time too, factor 50 essential just about everywhere as the sun bounces off the salt and you can be burnt up inside your shorts and in your armpits. 

​
Cars, bikes and rockets started to arrive all during the day and we were treated to sights of some amazing machines driving to their pitches. Everyone was friendly, everyone was smiling. This was where they hoped to make history. The air was electric. That, it turned out, was just the problem...
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Dino, Rosaria, Louisa and Maurizio, pilots in the Italian Open Eyes Dream Team
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The famous start of the Speedway. BELOW: arriving on the salts for the first time

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Back to the beach - for a record time!

25/9/2019

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Back to Pendine Beach in Wales to meet up with some friends and try my luck at some landspeed records. As you do.
Sand is unforgiving. If you come off on damp sand at speed, it'll be pretty shit. You won't skim across the top, sliding and flying, letting air resistance reduce some of your speed naturally and over a long distance, oh no. Instead you'll bump and bounce and it'll be crunchy on the bones because every impact will slow you forcefully resulting in a shorter, more energy intensive stop. It's thoughts like these that are not helpful. So I don't think about them.
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Always time for a pose, even on the start line! Photo: Bhodi Keen

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Bonneville - Who drives your dreams? - Part 1

12/9/2019

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Picture
It all boiled down to a single moment, as so many things in my life have. I sat there cooking in leathers at the start line on the five mile long course on the Salt Flats at Bonneville, ready to pull back the throttle hand and put fear aside for just a minute or so. I was willing and ready to risk my life for this moment in a distant land, on unfamiliar ground. I would have done whatever it took to do what I had to do. I imagine a similar feeling of total conviction probably descends upon a mother or father when they see a car on fire and their child inside.

I would not let anything get in my way that day - so woe betide anything that tried to stop me! All the events that had led to this, the life changing moments, the pain, the doubt, the chance meetings, all the people I'd met, all the twists and turns of my recent life meant me to be at that start line. At that point in time. It was a certainty I still feel in my very core. 

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Milan - 'Christine' is finally unveiled!

12/7/2019

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The weekend of  6-7 July, 2019, was the first time I was properly introduced to Christine, the bike that I and three others will pilot as part of the Italian Race Team, Open Eyes Dream, in a land speed record attempt during Speed Week in Bonneville, 10-17th August 2019. The bike that I will risk my life on. That others will risk their lives on.. the dream of Dino Romano, who has worked so hard, day and night, to get Christine to the salts. 

​The bike is very special because it is powered by LPG. No-one has taken an LPG bike to the salt flats to race before. Not ever. The environmental credentials of the bike are superb - if Dino achieves his dream it will herald a success for his engineering skill but also could well pave the way for more investment in LPG engine development.

Last year's attempt ended just before the final record breaking run when a battery fire halted everything. This year, Dino has invented a completely new air intake system, the ACFS, which will cool the air before it goes into the engine. This should increase density and increase power output. But this is all unknown at this stage. A totally unknown quantity. That's what makes this whole project so special - it's a life's work and a life's risk - all in a few moments on the salts.
The event in Milan was hosted by Virgin Radio Italy and consisted of a new film showing taken during last years attempt and lots of paparazzi wanting photos. Held at the iconic Deus ex Machina cafe, a perfect setting in the middle of Milan for the great unveiling.

Above is the film that was shown at the event. This is not widely published - it may not even be published anywhere else so click on it now if you have time. It's a beautiful piece of work. Below are some photos of the event. 


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  • Home
  • Blog
  • About me
  • The Bikes
    • Hayabusa Gen 1 Turbo
    • BMW F850 GS
    • Indian Scout
    • Triumph Tiger XRX
    • Yamaha TTR
  • Films and Interviews
  • SUPPORTING
    • THE BIKE EXPERIENCE
    • BLOOD RUNNERS
    • DEMON DESIGNS
    • PIKILILY
  • Contact